Are we there yet?

I hope you enjoy reading about my journey today.


It started with a routine question. Anyone up for a 4 1/2 mile run this weekend.  And then in response I got why not come run the Dallastown 10 K aka 6.2 miles. It's only 4 1/2 plus 1.7 more. Should I shouldn't I, back and forth driving my presently unpatient wife nuts with my wishy washyness.  "You know your going to regret it if you don't" she says. Dang it I hate when she is right.


I got a good nights sleep. I got up made my green smoothie and went on my way. No big deal just 6 miles right.


Mile 1.2 all down hill great, awesome spectacular. Things are going well maintaining a pace faster
then I have ever before.


Mile 2 - 3 going good maintaining that same good pace. But wow there were some fast people there I cant even see most of the others. But we're not last! I say we because Trainer Jeremy Gruver is running with me. help to coach me along, keep my motivated. (It was his idea to run 6.2 miles today)
Then it happens the soreness begins to kick in. All of the sudden it seems so much harder. What's happening to me?! I can run 4 miles and it's not even 3 and I'm dying. "Did I miss the mile 3 sign I asked." "Sorry but almost" I hear.


Mile 3-4
I  honestly don't remember much about this mile. I do remember doing a lot of work on my breathing. I remember Jeremy talking a lot. Mainly trying to keep me distracted. But it was not the worst mile by far that's coming up.


Mile 4-5 Mile four rounded the turn to reveal what would be the first of the two remaining mountains to climb. Ok my feet hurt, my knees hurt, and my calves are starting to burn. Why, why, why am I doing this. Lean into it, don't look up. I keep repeating this in my head. I don't think I have ever stayed so focused on another persons behind so much as I did climbing that wretched hill.  Almost to the top clothes are coming off. We've deduced that I'm over heating. Jeremy is by my side the entire way. Now with too many layers on for himself and my sweatshirt wrapped around his waist. We've made it to the top rounded the corner its down hill from here. I an feel my knees start to go and my stomach oh no! Yep it's going to happen, that green smoothie is coming back for round two. One, two, three times the charm. Yep that feels better.  Okay off we go again. The rest of the way to mile five went pretty swell. Yeh it was pretty much down hill.


Mile 5-6 remember that nice big hill I came down in the beginning. Yeh, well last mile is back up that hill. A little walk a little jog, back and forth. I'm not sure if the hill or having to keep me motivated is more tiresome for Jeremy. It's ok, if I pass out or die I'm passing the doctors office. They have my medical records there. Interestingly enough that office is part of how all of this journey got started. But that's another post. Almost there, exhausted, tired, sore, beat down.  Then there they are, my boot camp family coming back to bring me in. Even if I collapse there's enough of them to carry me back. I made it, running through that shoot was an awesome feeling.


I made it. I completed my first 10K.


To top it off I came home and got on the scale to find I had reached another milestone I finally broke 50 pounds lost.  Honestly I'm more excited about finishing that 10 K.


Lessons
1) Make sure you eat an hour to an hour and a half before running, or you may revisit that meal again.
2) Running with a friend makes it a whole lot easier.
3) It takes a village to raise a runner.
4) Breath!
5) Breath!
6) Pace is important.
7)  It's humbling to toss your breakfast right in front of your friend and the race volunteer pointing directions.
8) It's okay to be weak but keep going. Don't quit!

New goals

It’s been a while since I sat down to write and I just wanted to give you all an update on my journey.

If you read my last blog I shared with you that I was going to do a relay marathon in February. Well, things changed. No, I’m not backing out or making excuses. I have foregone that goal for a more intensive goal. I have registered and will run my first half marathon on May 2, 2015. Say What!? Yep you heard it here. My training regimen isn't changing from what it was it was, just go longer and will become more intense.  If you ask me how I’m, feeling about this, well that is a loaded question. I am excited and nervous all at once.

That being said Saturday was a big day for me. First I was able to run for 20 possibly 20 + minutes without needing to stop or walk. Second it was my longest run to date, 3.24 miles. That may not seem like much but considering the 5K I did in September was my longest to that point, and I haven’t done more than 2.6 since then, I was pretty excited. I made it possible with the help of some friends who took me out for my first “group run. ” Thanks again Colin and Amy. Thinking back they were such a perfect pair for me. Colin kept me distracted, and Amy kept me motivated.  I didn't have a chance to get too tired or “need” to walk. They even got out of bed on Saturday morning in 15 degrees to go with me.

My other goal is still a work in progress as well. I had an awesome weight loss 2 weeks ago but now have stalled myself again. I still struggle with being an emotional eater. That’s a big problem. I don’t eat as much or quite as terribly as I used to but it’s not what I should. Just follow directions Cory! I know I know! I have no good excuse only crappy rationalizations and justifications. I also give in quickly. One bad meal or day and I feel guilty and stop following those golden directions that will lead straight to my goal. Sometimes I have to wonder what is wrong with me.  I am my own worst enemy.


Thursday I will join several other boot campers for our own Thanksgiving turkey Trot. In the midst of writing this post I received my new goal . I was challenged to work on pacing myself and not walking the course at all. My response was that, while I sat here thinking of reasons why I couldn't do that all I could come up with were lame excuses and his message was received.


This Thanksgiving I am grateful for a new life, a healthier life. A journey and goals. People who believe in me even when I can't see to do so myself. And well so many, many more things. But that's another post.


Happy Thanksgiving!

Goals

Goals.
 I came into this journey thinking that my goal was to lose 100 pounds. This seems like a pretty solid and huge goal but I have found that for me it gets boring. I am finding out that I work best with smaller more attainable goals along the way to my big goals. I’m not sure why this wasn’t obvious to me I’ve been teaching it to people for the past several years. So I’ve been stuck in my weight loss journey for almost 2 months now. I’m stubborn and I’m not always the most ready to just follow directions before trying it my way. But all that said I am back on track now.

First thing I decided I needed to do was set some goals. I needed to set a goal that I knew I could reach with little to no trouble. Not to say it is insignificant but to say I have complete confidence in my ability to do so. 

Goal 1: I have a goal weight of 250 pounds by January 1.

• To achieve I need to return to maintaining and monitoring my eating with a definite precision 2300 calories. By monitoring I mean logging my food. This can become kind of daunting at times but it works and not doing it doesn’t for me so,. Loseit© is my best pal again.

Next,  I needed a challenge. I returned to my fatmanrunning roots with this one. I need something that is going to push me out of my comfort zone, but that is realistic and attainable. Something I want something I have never done before.

Goal 2: Participate in and complete a relay marathon. Myrtle Beach Marathon (Relay) February 14th, 2015

• Train for a 10k race. I’ll need to run between 4 and 6 miles with a team of four others.
• Find four others who are crazy enough to do this with me. (Easy I’ve got a boot camp full of crazy runners)
• Sign up! This is a must. If you’re like me you may procrastinate in order to give yourself a way to chicken out.

Disclaimer here: These are goals I decided I wanted to achieve however I needed assistance in determining time frames and realistic-ness. So for me I turned to my most trusted fitness guru and trainer Jeremy Gruver of Gruver Outdoor Fitness Boot Camp. When venturing into new territory its never a bad idea to check with someone who can help you determine the feasibility of the goal.


Nothing to exciting going on right now.


Stay tuned as I check in on my progress. And yes you heard it here I will achieve the seemingly impossible of losing weight through the holiday season.


One thing I am finding out is that inside this temporary body of a fat man lies the heart of a fit man, and his body will soon match.

Don't be an ....

On my wall at work you will find from time to time quotes or sayings I have found to be profound or just truth.

Currently one say this:

 ASKHOLE – A person who constantly asks your advice , yet does the opposite of what you told them.

Now that being said I feel like an askhole in my life sometimes. You see when I finally reach my breaking point I have come to recognize the need for help.  Once I receive the help I am good to go for a while because it is easy to take direction when you feel your back against a wall and you don’t know which way to go.

Here in lies the problem, after I take the advice for a while, life gets a little better. Then something in my head says maybe we can go back to the way I was doing it before, things are better now.

Now if you’re paying attention you just got smacked with a boat load of crazy talk. Insanity in fact. You can define insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

So I’m going to take your good advice fix myself up, and then I’m going to go back to my  same old insane plan and expect that I can now manage it without following your direction, or better yet I’ll tweak your advice so it is more comfortable to me.

If you are reading this and thinking OMG… that’s me. Repeat after me. Hi, My name is ….. and I am an askhole. You see there is power in owning your personal shortcomings, because once I put them out there I can never take them back and now you all know. Now you all can help hold me accountable.

I've come to wonder if there really is such a thing as a plateau. I am starting to believe that you are either moving forward or moving back. Standing still just doesn't seem possible when I look at it.

Lets take my health.  Lost a bunch of weight following directions. Stopped losing weight, not the directions fault, mine, I stopped moving forward. I stopped following directions like I was supposed to and I started tweaking a plan that needed nor could it afford tweaks at this point.  I told myself it was a plateau but it wasn't it was just me moving backwards. So to not be an askhole I need to adjust my question.  I need to keep working on and figuring out how to accept what I cannot change. 

I've got big goals and I cannot afford to leave it up to me to figure out how to get there.

I’m not going to share these goals just yet because I need to ask for some help to set realistic attainable goals, using the direction I have been given. 

10 lessons I'm working on

10 things I’m learning

1: Failure only occurs when you cease trying

2: Your best is good enough as long as you are really giving your best.

• If your not, up your game. You deserve to give the best.

3: You are defined by what you can do not what you can’t.

4: One broken piece doesn’t necessarily mean the whole thing is broken.

5: Never compromise yourself to please someone else.

6: You are loved and you are lovable.

7: You are made of many wonderful parts, sometimes those parts work well together sometimes they don’t. It’s okay.

8: Embrace the people in your life who are there to help.

9: Don’t be afraid to show weakness.

• Allowing others to see your weaknesses gives them a chance to support you.

10: Be honest about your chaos.

• It’s how other know you need help.

I shared this list with my clients today. I teach what I live and I live what I teach. It’s not always easy being transparent. If you are reading this and know me, don’t worry I am okay. But life interacts with me in many ways and many venues and these lessons, all be it some are similar, each have their own place and meaning.

If you’re like me you may have noticed that sometimes there is this phenomenon that occurs when one part of your life is struggling, all of it begins to break down. Why is this? I used to believe and sometimes still struggle with the idea that if one part of life is struggling or weak that must mean that all of me must be weak or defective, broken. But as I grow and learn I realize that that does not have to be the case at all.  There may even be times where the adversity in my life has nothing to do with me. Imagine that, the entire world does not rest on my shoulders!

Now I mentioned my faith early on in this blog and sometimes it doesn’t show up all that much. But I am coming to realize that I am a perfectly broken individual.  God has allowed me to be as I am so that I can learn to rely greater on him. If I want to change something and I have tried over and over again to do the same thing, use my own will, and I expect that the results are ever going to change well that is pretty close to the definition of insanity. But God comes in.  Instead of basing change upon my own will power, allowing my strength to be rooted in the power of Christ’s spirit and allowing myself to be changed day by day.  God will never change me for the worse.

 

For those of you who are following along on my journey to a more physically healthy guy there is some news on this front too.

First, September 6^th, 2014 I completed my first 5K!

Second, as of today I have lost 43 pounds, it was a little more but I recently put back on 2 pounds and for a  while I was rather complacent with my nutritional guidelines and my weight didn’t go up but it stopped going down.

As life has gotten more hectic at times I have found myself using it as an excuse to not make it to bootcamp or to not get out and do something physical. Maybe you have been there too?

I was reminded by one of the many great people God has put in my life that I deserve better. I deserve to keep getting healthier. I deserve to keep losing weight and keep getting smaller. I deserve to lesson that chance that one of the many life changing disease that may run in my family will take me captive. I deserve to keep looking in the mirror and seeing less and less of myself.  My friends in the recovery community say it well. Don’t quit before the miracle has a chance happen.

I am recommitting myself to logging my food and being responsible about what foods I put in my mouth.

I will attend my bootcamp session. They make me feel good about myself, and I get to spend an hour a day with some awesome people who want absolutely nothing from me. I will take this time for myself.

I will find a way to be active at least two more times a week, even if it is inconvenient.

I will not quit, and I will dump my excuses.

If you see me along the way call me out, ask me how I’m doing. It helps me out.

Humbly,

Cory

Milestones and Life

Yesterday hit a new milestone. I am now officially down 30 pounds. I continue to put distance between me and 300 and draw nearer to 215. I wish I could say it was a piece of cake. Um-mm cake. But no it isn't. The lifestyle isn't, the changes aren't. I have a choice though I could go back to living the way that is easiest right now, or I can stay the course and make life easier down the road. Eating what you want when you want, how you want sounds great. But now I examine everything I put in my body. Rarely do I consume something that hasn't had some thought put into it.  Should I eat this? What could I eat instead.  Am I really hungry? Or is there something else going on? Because oh yeah are my emotions and food connected. Happy, celebrate with something good. Sad, comfort with something comforting. You know celebrating with an Ice cold glass of water isn't the same as that Pepsi was. Lettuce isn't near as consoling as greasy cheesy pizza is, or how about cheesy melty macaroni and cheese.  Don’t get me wrong I still enjoy these things from time to time but not in near as much quantity or frequency.  

So what do you do? Well talking is always good. What’s inside sometimes just needs to come out.  Share your joy. Share your sadness. The last week has had a lot of sadness in it. For those of you who don’t know or don’t remember I am a drug and alcohol counselor. In the past week I have seen two drug related deaths, two persons relapse and jeopardize what they are working so hard for.  I have seen death in life around me. It can kind of bring a guy down. Interestingly enough I have discovered that running, well walk /jogging, makes me feel better.

What Are the Psychological Benefits of Exercise With Depression?

Improved self-esteem is a key psychological benefit of regular physical activity. When you exercise, your body releases chemicals called endorphins. These endorphins interact with the receptors in your brain that reduce your perception of pain.

Endorphins also trigger a positive feeling in the body, similar to that of morphine. For example, the feeling that follows a run or workout is often described as "euphoric." That feeling, known as a "runner's high," can be accompanied by a positive and energizing outlook on life.

Endorphins act as analgesics, which means they diminish the perception of pain. They also act as sedatives. They are manufactured in your brain, spinal cord, and many other parts of your body and are released in response to brain chemicals called neurotransmitters. The neuron receptors endorphins bind to are the same ones that bind some pain medicines. However, unlike with morphine, the activation of these receptors by the body's endorphins does not lead to addiction or dependence.

Regular exercise has been proven to:

• Reduce stress
• Ward off anxiety and feelings of depression
• Boost self-esteem
• Improve sleep

http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/exercise-depression

All of that stuff is true. I have triple checked the facts.

Also in a conversation with Trainer Jeremy Gruver, Gruver Outdoor Fitness Bootcamp,  I learned that for every pound of weight I have taken off I have also taken off 4 pounds of pressure from my knees and various other joints as well. So in case your math stinks, all together that is 30 pounds of weight and 120 pounds of pressure.  Wow, what a difference a pound can make.  

Community helps.

By community helps I mean you need to have people on your side to make the kinds of changes I’m talking about. Rarely if ever does a person do it on their own.  Bootcamp has provided this for me. When I just want to stop and take a break because its hard out of nowhere, sometimes from somebody whose name I can’t remember I hear. “Come on Cory, you got this!”, and I can power through a little more. People in my life have seen that this is not something I talk about anymore this is something I live and they have gotten on board with me, even if they aren't ready to make their own changes.  I could never do this alone, so I don’t. I write this blog to help me, but hey if you can get something from it AWESOME!

On one last note.  I hit that official 30 pounds by decreasing my calorie intake.  I now have to be a little more careful in quantity and not just what I eat.  To my surprise it’s not too bad.  I now eat between 2200 and 2300 calories a day, and it seems to be working.  Oh and you know what else  I also eat these things called Green Smoothies.  Spinach based but I like them, it all gets blended with banana, strawberries, and I use a scoop of whey protein powder to start my morning. (Most mornings)

I am on week 2 C25K and it is going okay. It challenges me but it is okay.

Next time you hear from me I’ll be a skinnier healthier me.  

Thanks for stopping bye!

Take Action!

TAKE ACTION! Today I will start c25k and September 6 I will complete my first 5k! No more excuses no more fear! I am tired of being afraid. If I can sit on the couch for an hour I can train for 30 minutes. I made this decision two days ago but it has taken me this long to actually say anything because I was afraid to commit to it. I thought about doing it quietly that way I always had an out no one would ever know that I quit. No more living like that! I have exactly 8 weeks. But all that was said for this purpose, please help me be accountable.


Above is the Facebook post I shared with my boot camp family today. You see I need them to know what I'm doing because as I said if I did not tell them I always have an out.


Why would I need an out? Well in my life anxiety and depression can creep in sometimes and that equates to fear and when that happens I tend to give up, give in, or all out quit.  I'm tired of living like this I have missed countless opportunities because of this and no more.


How did all of this come about? Well in June of this year Gruver Fitness participated in the Double Creek 5K and I did not. Why, because I was afraid, afraid I couldn't do it. I was afraid to try I didn't even start the c25K program, then I fell farther and farther behind my comrades and I just gave up on the idea. Are you doing Double Creek I was asked countless times. No, and I made numerous excuses. Well I'm tired of the excuses.


But I digress, this new personal goal is all about taking action. It is a call to action from Boot camp fearless leader Jeremy Gruver. With his permission I will share this call with the rest of you who are not Boot campers in the near future.


I was scared of this call because it spoke directly to me. The changes that are coming in my life will change the way I live for the rest of my life. But like I tell my clients tomorrow is not guaranteed so one day at a time. But I'm going to live today like I'm going to see tomorrow.


Tonight I started C25K a program geared taking the couch potato and training them to take on a 5K race or 3.1 miles.(Just in case you don't remember your metric conversions). I have thought about starting C25K numerous times. Even told people I was going to start, but alas I never did. NO MORE, TAKE ACTION! So I did just that tonight. Even got the wife to do it too.


Maybe some of you out there are waiting for the right time to take action. Well my friends now is that time.  What is it you have been putting off until tomorrow? Out of fear, out of doubt, whatever the reason.  CARPE DIEM! TAKE ACTION. (carpe diem is Latin for seize the day) Stop living in pursuit of the future, live in pursuit of today! (I think that's original.)


Stay tuned as I continue to chronicle my journey to better health, better life, and a 5K. Think I'm crazy, some of my fellow boot campers have started training for a 1/2 marathon (13.1 miles). Best of luck to them. I believe in you all.




So I will prove this fat man can run. When I do, maybe I'll start a new blog, "Not so fat man, still running!"

Redefining moments

The past week I have found myself in my own personal quagmire. As I continue my journey to better health and fitness, I have my ups and downs. Last week was a roller coaster for me. I started off my week going to boot camp as I always do. Monday held the dreaded 1/2 mile. Now I know a half mile doesn't sound like much and your right if you are taking a leisurely stroll. However we are trained to push ourselves to try harder and strive for more. Remember I am only recently a former 300 lb man. Actually I am down 23.8 lbs but I'll get to that. In the past I have run this gauntlet in 7 plus minutes. This past time however unknowingly to me I was about to take this challenge and obliterate my previous time. I took off 1 minute and 55 seconds. Nearly 2 minutes in a month. I felt great and could hardly go. I could barely finish the rest of the workout. I had  flashback to my first night, and I immediately started to feel angry and I pushed, and with the help of my fellow boot campers, and a trainer "who I felt like knew all this was going to happen before I did" I made it through and didn't get too worked up. I still hate feeling that way though. I hate feeling like I can't do it, because then my mind says well just quit and then I have to work twice as hard because I am fighting my body and my mind.  I was so shocked by my own achievement I forced myself to do it again later in the week to prove it wasn't a fluke. It wasn't! 

Here's where it get mucky. I had made this achievement but fear began to creep in.  My thoughts included: You'll never be able to do that again. You won't be able to beat that. It's not going to get any better for you. You are not a runner. While the thought of quitting was never entertained, fear crept in. All of those thought entered my head over and over. I have had to come back and check myself reminding myself I have no idea what I can do because I have never done it.  I am not failing until I stop trying. And I never thought I could do some of what I have already done. So now I have a new goal, a goal that is not weight related. 1: I will do the 1/2 mile without walking. 2: I will do it in less than 5 minutes. 

I still struggle with food at times. I love to eat and love to cook. Food is comforting. But so far I have managed to continue losing with a few spots where I plateau mostly because I ceased being mindful of what and how I ate. Hopefully I can hit the 25 lb mark this week. We'll see. It is very doable but will require dedication.

I hope to be able to enjoy this holiday weekend with no weight gain and a continual loss. In order to accomplish this I need to discipline myself. There is no throwing caution to the wind and eating what I want. I can still enjoy my favorite but with DISCIPLINE. My goal is also to make it through the holiday weekend without any soda. I do pretty well with this most days but holidays are rough. Right now if I am going to drink my calories I prefer a more adult form anyway. But RESPONSIBLY!

Back again! or Hey there!

Hi all,

I am inviting you all here to join me on this crazy ride called life. I think of this venture in blogging as having a virtual front porch, or living room if you will, where we can sit down and just have a chat. True to real life I'll probably do most of the talking but look forward to sharing my experiences with you.

When I created this blog spot several years ago the name was very literal. I was a fatman who wanted to start running. Well my concept has sort of evolved. I am, as of now, still a fatman. But running is no longer strictly literal. I want to share about life in general. running this race of life. Let me share a little about myself.

My name is Cory. I am a 30 year old father of 2. A two year old handful, Ben, and my second son is 4 months as of this week, Adam.  I am married to a patient and loving woman Heather. I love the outdoors, animals, science fiction, and many more things you'll likely hear about in this journey. I am a christian man, actively attending church, and participating in our young adult group, and I make no apologies for my beliefs. It is a part of who I am. I am kind, loving and gentle.

During the day I am an addictions counselor. I work with persons struggling with the disease of addiction and alcoholism. This is often stressful and rewarding all in the same moment. My job is not physical, but it is mental and emotional. A client once described me as a giant teddy bear, big enough to scare away the bad stuff, and soft enough to comfort. I take great pride in that description.

Sometimes I may talk about my struggles to live healthier.

Sometimes I may talk about my struggles to be a good dad.

Sometimes I may talk about struggles being a christian man in today world.

Sometimes I may talk about the struggles being a good husband.

You'll have to just keep checking back to see where I am at today.

Writing provides accountability and lets me share. Something I need, and something I love. Welcome to my life. This blog is not a tell all, there are parts of my life that are private.

Thanks for stopping by,
Cory

disclaimer - there will be typos, I am working on it.

Spring has Sprung.

Spring has sprung and it is time for new beginnings. In order for a new beginning there must an end to an old one. Something must stop, something must go away. Well I'm thinking it is time for part of me to go away, specifically MANY unwanted and unhealthy pounds.

I have made a decision to give Boot Camp a try. No I'm not joining the military but I am going to join what seems like an army of people who are changing their lives in some drastic ways. Losing unwanted weight, becoming healthier, looking better, and feeling better about themselves.

Last night a met the man behind the whole thing. I don't know if I have met somebody who is as excited about what he does in a long while. It felt like he cared if I succeeded. Working with patients all of the time I know the initial report is important. I trust him. I was met with no judgement. I do that to myself often. expect judgement when there is none there. The truth is I am the one unhappy with my weight. I am the one unhappy with not being able to keep up with my 2 year old son. I am unhappy with tighter pants, and popping buttons. Having to buy long or tall shirts not because I am THAT tall but because they are what covers that big UGLY gut.

Next week it starts. Hopefully the beginning of the end. Mondays and Wednesdays 4:30 to 5:30 I'm boot camping. In addition to the what will be the introduction of intentional exercise into my routine I have started watching my calories. With my recent movement into the world of smart phones. I have downloaded this handy little app called lose it!. Interestingly enough I am allowed to have a MINIMUM of 2565 calories. In tracking so far I can manage that. I eat that much and I am not hungry.

Thanks for stopping by!
Cory