Redefining moments

The past week I have found myself in my own personal quagmire. As I continue my journey to better health and fitness, I have my ups and downs. Last week was a roller coaster for me. I started off my week going to boot camp as I always do. Monday held the dreaded 1/2 mile. Now I know a half mile doesn't sound like much and your right if you are taking a leisurely stroll. However we are trained to push ourselves to try harder and strive for more. Remember I am only recently a former 300 lb man. Actually I am down 23.8 lbs but I'll get to that. In the past I have run this gauntlet in 7 plus minutes. This past time however unknowingly to me I was about to take this challenge and obliterate my previous time. I took off 1 minute and 55 seconds. Nearly 2 minutes in a month. I felt great and could hardly go. I could barely finish the rest of the workout. I had  flashback to my first night, and I immediately started to feel angry and I pushed, and with the help of my fellow boot campers, and a trainer "who I felt like knew all this was going to happen before I did" I made it through and didn't get too worked up. I still hate feeling that way though. I hate feeling like I can't do it, because then my mind says well just quit and then I have to work twice as hard because I am fighting my body and my mind.  I was so shocked by my own achievement I forced myself to do it again later in the week to prove it wasn't a fluke. It wasn't! 

Here's where it get mucky. I had made this achievement but fear began to creep in.  My thoughts included: You'll never be able to do that again. You won't be able to beat that. It's not going to get any better for you. You are not a runner. While the thought of quitting was never entertained, fear crept in. All of those thought entered my head over and over. I have had to come back and check myself reminding myself I have no idea what I can do because I have never done it.  I am not failing until I stop trying. And I never thought I could do some of what I have already done. So now I have a new goal, a goal that is not weight related. 1: I will do the 1/2 mile without walking. 2: I will do it in less than 5 minutes. 

I still struggle with food at times. I love to eat and love to cook. Food is comforting. But so far I have managed to continue losing with a few spots where I plateau mostly because I ceased being mindful of what and how I ate. Hopefully I can hit the 25 lb mark this week. We'll see. It is very doable but will require dedication.

I hope to be able to enjoy this holiday weekend with no weight gain and a continual loss. In order to accomplish this I need to discipline myself. There is no throwing caution to the wind and eating what I want. I can still enjoy my favorite but with DISCIPLINE. My goal is also to make it through the holiday weekend without any soda. I do pretty well with this most days but holidays are rough. Right now if I am going to drink my calories I prefer a more adult form anyway. But RESPONSIBLY!