Victory or Defeat

Hey all. It's been a while I know so let me catch you up a bit.  I am now 250 lbs. as of last night. That means a total loss of 65 pounds. If you haven't heard from previous posts I've taken up this nasty habit of running, a lot. (well at least for me.) It is now eight weeks until Ocean City and my first half marathon. I've been training for the last 8 weeks gradually increasing my run distance. Each new distance has held challenges of its own. My short runs are now four and five miles. Crazy right! The idea of a 5K (3.1 miles) used to blow my mind.


When I started this training process friends took me out for my first long run. By long run the goal was to run 20 minutes without stopping or walking. With their support and the support of my bootcamp and running family I have been able to accomplish each new run 4, 5, 6, 7 miles without having to stop and walk. It's an accomplishment I was quite proud of. Feeling quite blessed indeed.


Then it happened. Sunday, I made the resolve to run my newest challenge 8 miles. Yes is was snowing, yes it was sleeting but I had NOEXCUSES. I met up with the brave (you might call us crazy) running buddies. Off we went. Then it happened I just couldn't do it any more. I couldn't keep up the run. I walked. It happened somewhere around mile 6. How could this be I've run 6 miles without stopping, I'd run 7 miles without stopping. This couldn't be. The shame, the horror. I was walking. I wanted to quit right there.


In that moment I was a loser, I was a quitter. I was never going to make the cut and I might as well quit training because there was no way I was ever going to run 13.1 mile now. I pulled myself out of it for a bit and then it happened again. It hurt I was feeling pain, and I walked.  Now I really let myself have it. I was a quitter, I failed. I was having my own little pity party.


Thankfully a friend was near. Helping me to look at the situation for what it is. I was not looking at the situation in light of all the circumstances. Maybe I was being mellow dramatic. None the less I had convinced that I was defeated. Was I really, no, but my crazy mind told me this is hard just quit now.


I was reminded of the victory. Walk or run I completed approximately 8.5 miles that day. I had never done that before. Maybe it wasn't the victory I expected but it is no less a victory.  Maybe it doesn't always have to be all or nothing. Will I just quit running next time it get hard, no. Will I continue to learn to listen to my body and respect it, yes.


Next time you may be feeling like you have been defeated. STOP. Check for any victories that may be lurking in the shadows of the supposed defeat. Failure only occurs when you cease trying.


I'll try and write soon next time.


See you at the finish line!