The past
week I have found myself in my own personal quagmire. As I continue my journey
to better health and fitness, I have my ups and downs. Last week was a roller
coaster for me. I started off my week going to boot camp as I always do. Monday
held the dreaded 1/2 mile. Now I know a half mile doesn't sound like much and
your right if you are taking a leisurely stroll. However we are trained to push
ourselves to try harder and strive for more. Remember I am only recently a
former 300 lb man. Actually I am down 23.8 lbs but I'll get to that. In the
past I have run this gauntlet in 7 plus minutes. This past time however unknowingly
to me I was about to take this challenge and obliterate my previous time. I
took off 1 minute and 55 seconds. Nearly 2 minutes in a month. I felt great and
could hardly go. I could barely finish the rest of the workout. I had
flashback to my first night, and I immediately started to feel angry and
I pushed, and with the help of my fellow boot campers, and a trainer "who
I felt like knew all this was going to happen before I did" I made it
through and didn't get too worked up. I still hate feeling that way though. I
hate feeling like I can't do it, because then my mind says well just quit and
then I have to work twice as hard because I am fighting my body and my mind.
I was so shocked by my own achievement I forced myself to do it again
later in the week to prove it wasn't a fluke. It wasn't!
Here's where it get mucky. I had made this achievement but
fear began to creep in. My thoughts included: You'll never be able to do
that again. You won't be able to beat that. It's not going to get any better
for you. You are not a runner. While the thought of quitting was never
entertained, fear crept in. All of those thought entered my head over and over.
I have had to come back and check myself reminding myself I have no idea what I
can do because I have never done it. I am not failing until I stop trying.
And I never thought I could do some of what I have already done. So now I have
a new goal, a goal that is not weight related. 1: I will do the 1/2 mile
without walking. 2: I will do it in less than 5 minutes.
I still struggle with food at times. I love to eat and love
to cook. Food is comforting. But so far I have managed to continue losing with
a few spots where I plateau mostly because I ceased being mindful of what and
how I ate. Hopefully I can hit the 25 lb mark this week. We'll see. It is very
doable but will require dedication.
I hope to be able to enjoy this holiday weekend with no
weight gain and a continual loss. In order to accomplish this I need to
discipline myself. There is no throwing caution to the wind and eating what I
want. I can still enjoy my favorite but with DISCIPLINE. My goal is also to
make it through the holiday weekend without any soda. I do pretty well with
this most days but holidays are rough. Right now if I am going to drink my
calories I prefer a more adult form anyway. But RESPONSIBLY!
